The FF7 Crew vs The Burger King Guy: Ghost Bout
by Sonata-Time-Nocturne-Flare-Aoi
Summary: One-Shot Complete! Continuation of the Barret vs. The Burger King Guy saga. The presumably dead Burger King Guy returns as a ghost to haunt Barret and his friends. How do they take care of this annoying mascot? Rated T for language and violence.


**Story**: The FF7 Crew vs The Burger King Guy: Ghost Bout  
**Author**: Master Jin Sonata  
**Written**: May 2007  
**Genre**: Humor  
**Rating**: T (Language and Violence)  
**Author's Note**: Decided to continue the series starting with a fresh new saga! This is the largest installment yet! If you haven't read all three of the 'Barret vs The Burger King Guy' trilogy, please do so to get a bit of back-story on this series!  
**Disclaimer**: I do not own FF7, Burger King, or The Burger King Guy who just won't stop pestering Barret!

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**One-Shot: The FF7 Crew vs The Burger King Guy: Ghost Bout**

Several months have elapsed since the epic battle between Barret and the fast food mascot: the Burger 'King'. Enjoying a time of peace from the revenge-driven mascot, Barret returns to his usual duties of destroying Mako Factories.

However, that time of peace now draws to a close.

* * *

**Cloud's Apartment**

Barret, Cloud, Tifa, Yuffie, Cid, Vincent, Red XIII, and Cait Sith were all sitting in the living room at Cloud's studio apartment watching a sports game, when a Breaking News Special Report segment suddenly interrupted it.

"_We interrupt this program to bring you this special report. Good evening, I'm Palmer from Shinra Headquarters."_

"**Since when did that fatass blimp Palmer start broadcasting news?"** Barret asked, raising an eyebrow.

"**Ever since I sued his ass after his Space Exploration Committee sold me faulty parts to my rocket ship last month,"** Cid responded, smoking his cigarette.

"_We wish to report that citizens around the Midgar area have been calling into the news room, complaining of seeing a ghastly figure appearing in their homes causing strange things to happen."_

"**Think it could be Aeris looking for Cloud after he admitted to Tifa that he once cheated on her when she was alive?"** Cait Sith said, laughing at his own joke, before Tifa turns around and punches the cat into the next room.

"_We now show you a sketch of the ghost that our investigators have drawn based on tips gathered by our citizens."_

The camera then pans over to a paper drawing of the ghost who supposedly was haunting everyone.

Barret quickly glanced at the picture as he took a sip of his beer, then did a double take when he released who guy on that sketch was.

"**No! It can't be! That looks like that mother-&$# Burger King bitch!!!"** he yelled, un-noticingly spitting out his drink on Cloud's lap in the process..

"**H-hey! Calm down,"** Cloud said to Barret, but Barret ignored him as he grabbed the remote and turned up the volume on the TV.

"_Police have been investigating the matter, but so far, no solid evidence have turned up in this case. And that's all the news for now. This is Palmer signing off saying: Screw you Cid Highwind!!!"_

"**Shit man! This is some sort of a sick joke!"** Barret said in frustration, tossing the remote down onto the floor, shattering it into pieces. **"No way that crazy-ass Burger King Guy could be back to terrorize us!"**

"**Maybe he won't be coming after you this time,"** Red XIII commented.

"**We don't know that for sure though! Any moment that Burger King ghost guy could be on his way here for all we know,"** Yuffie added. **"He did hold a pretty tight grudge against Barret after all."**

As soon as Yuffie had said that, the TV in front of them began to wobble from side to side, and then slowly levitate into the air. Everyone froze in awe as the TV turned toward Barret, and suddenly flung itself right at him. The TV crashes into Barret, knocking him clear off of the couch. As Barret recovered and sat himself upright off of the floor, he and everyone else gazed at the sight of a ghastly, transparent Burger King Guy as he floats in midair, taunting them before disappearing into the back of Cloud's apartment through a solid wall.

"**It seems you spoke too soon,"** Vincent commented.

"**What the hell?!?! Is this guy going to torment me all the way to my grave?!"** Barret stood yelling.

"**Wow…and I thought Sephiroth was persistent…"** Cloud said to no one in particular.

"**So how are we going to get rid of this ghost?"** Tifa asked.

"**The little lady's gotta point. We ain't exactly experts in huntin' ecto-freaks,"** Cid added.

"**Ooh! Ooh! I got an idea!"** Yuffie said, hopping up and down raising her hand.

"**What?"** Vincent said solemnly, giving her the floor to speak.

"**Okay, here's my idea: Why don't we all dress up as Ghostbusters and hunt down the ghost ourselves?"**

"**That sounds like a stupid idea…but I'll try anything at this point,"** Barret said, sighing

"**So if we do go ahead with this idea, what exactly will we be using for equipment?"** Tifa asked.

"**Just leave that to me!"** Yuffie said, hopping off the couch and heading out the door. **"I'll be right back!"**

Barret fished a broken TV station knob out of his hair and flicked it away. **"This shit has got to stop already…"** he muttered to himself.

**An Hour Later**

"**Well, what do you think?"** Yuffie eagerly asked everyone.

Everyone was now donned in authentic grey and red Ghostbuster outfits. The ladies were an exception, as they wore skirts instead of long pants. Even Cait Sith and Red XIII had custom made suits. Everyone also had ghost-zapping guns and a battery pack strapped to them.

"**Couldn't you have gotten mine in red, and or black?"** Vincent commented.

"**This is great! I always wanted to hunt ghosts!"** Cait Sith said enthusiastically.

"**Let's hurry and git this thing over with. This suit here is giving me a rash,"** Cid said, scratching his side.

"**So what's the plan of action? Are we splitting up?"** Cloud inquired.

"**Yeah! But listen good: If you see that Burger Bastard, call on me, cuz' I want to take him out personally!"** Barret informed everyone, pumping his gun until it was charged.

"**Me and Tifa will go together and search the bathroom,"** Cloud proclaimed.

"**Vincent and I will check out the bedrooms!"** Cid said, lighting another cigarette.

"**Me, Red XIII, and Cait Sith will check in the kitchen,"** Yuffie offered.

"**Alright! It's hunting time!"** Barret cheered, raising his gun into the air, everyone else doing so as well.

**Cloud And Tifa's Mission: Operation Bathroom**

Tifa and Cloud stealthily made their way into Cloud's bathroom. It was dark upon entry.

"**Tifa, flip on the lights, would ya?"** Cloud asked as he checked the shower.

Tifa turned and flipped on the lights. When the bathroom was lit, she turned and faced the mirror. In the reflection, she saw the Burger King Guy's ghost with a gun ready to cap Cloud from behind.

"**Cloud! Lookout!"** Tifa turned and yelled, at the same time jumping to try to tackle the ghost.

"**Huh? What?!"** Cloud yelped as Tifa went right through the ghost and crashed into Cloud. Both toppled over and fell into the tub.

Tifa got up and rubbed her head from the impact. She then looked directly below her and realized that she must have pulled Cloud's pants down when she fell.

"**Oh wow…I didn't know it was **_**that **_**small…"** Tifa stared in awe at Cloud's baremidsection.

"**H-hey!"** Cloud retaliated as he shot up and pulled his pants back on. **"What did you do that for?"** Cloud asked Tifa.

"**I-I'm sorry! That ghost was right behind you ready to shoot you!"** Tifa insisted.

"**I didn't notice anything,"** Cloud replied back.

As the two were trying to make sense of things, the silhouette of the Burger King Guy's ghost appeared before them on the other side of the curtain, donning a butcher knife, Psycho style.

Both of them turned and screamed as the lights were suddenly turned off. Several slashing noises ensued afterwards.

**Barret In Da Hall**

"**Come out and face me you coward!"** Barret coaxed out to the ghost as he kept a sharp eye out.

Out of nowhere, the bathroom door flew open, followed by laser-fire from Cloud and Tifa's guns. The ghost of the Burger King Guy darts out of the bathroom and runs down the hall.

"**Found you! You're dead, bastard!!!"** Barret yelled as he began firing his laser gun. However, Tifa stepped out too soon and got hit with the laser, blowing her shirt clear off of her chest. Cloud stepped out as well and both he and Cloud stared at Tifa's chest.

"**Tifa…I didn't know you stuffed your bra with tissue!"** Barret said, mouth-hanging open.

Tifa slapped both men and grabbed her singed shirt and stormed down the hall in embarrassment. Cloud and Barret looked at each other and shrugged, then went after her to help give chase.

**Cid And Vincent's Mission: Operation Bedroom**

Both men enter the bedroom and begin searching for clues.

"**I tell ya, Barret's got all the bad luck lately, with crazy fast-food joint mascots tryin' to kill him. It's a goddamn shame,"** Cid said to Vincent.

"**That's what he gets for causing that mascot so much grief during his childhood,"** Vincent replied.

"**Well, whatever the case, let's begin searching over there. I'll check inside the closet, while you check under the bed,"** Cid ordered as he stepped into the large clothes closet.

"**Right,"** Vincent said, as he kneeled over and began searching under the sheets.

Inside the closet, Cid looked both ways, then up and down, but found no ghost.

"**Nothing here,"** he said as he began to turn and leave, until he the closet doors suddenly closed themselves up, locking Cid inside.

"**Shit! That pesky ghost must have did this! Oh well, while I'm here, might as well have me another smoke,"** Cid sighed, as he reached into his pocket to grab his twelve-pack of cigarettes.

They were gone.

"**What the hell?! Who took my goddamn smokes?!"** Cid yelled out, now very pissed.

As if on cue, the ghost of the Burger King Guy appeared right in front of him, with his cigarettes in hand. He taunted him and left through the closet doors.

"**You son of a bitch! Get back with my smokes!"** Cid shouted, whipping out his gun. He began firing through the closet doors, which blasted them wide open with a single blast.

Vincent shot up from underneath the bed in response to the blast. That's when Vincent saw the 'King's' ghost doing a butt-smacking taunt at him, before running out of the room.

"**Gotcha!"** both men said simultaneously as they fired their laser-guns, only to miss and hit a dresser-mirror instead, causing the lasers to bounce back and strike the two men. Vincent dodged one of the shots, but the other shot Cid directly through his hair, leaving a black, singed line straight down the middle.

Both men looked at each other before running out after the ghost.

**Barret In Da Hall Again**

Barret was closing in on the ghost ready to zap it to kingdom come, when he got run over by Cid and Vincent when they burst out of the bedroom.

"**Hey! I almost had him in my grasp until you two came out and messed everything up!"** Barret yelled at the two.

"**Well excuuuuse me for not trying to do my job as well!"** Cid shot back.

"**Guys, this is not the time to be arguing!"** Cloud said, as he continued to peruse the ghost.

"**Yeah yeah…"** Barret growled as he, Cid, Tifa, and Vincent followed from behind.

**Yuffie, Red XIII, and Cait Sith's Mission: Operation Kitchen**

"**Hello? Anyone in here?"** Yuffie asked as she searched inside he fridge.

The three searched up and down the kitchen looking for any signs of the ghost.

"**There's nothing in here…"** Red XIII said as he searched inside the cabinets.

"**Nothing's in the oven either,"** Cait Sith said as he stuck his head inside the large oven.

Out of nowhere, the ghost of the 'King' materialized from behind him, and shoved him straight into the oven, then closed the door. He then turned the oven onto 'Broil'

"**HEEEEEELLLLP!!!"** Cait Sith yelled as he was beginning to bake.

Yuffie and Red turned and went to go rescue Cait, but the 'King' turns around and smacks Yuffie with a frying pan, and advances upon Red XIII with a pair of meat-shears.

**Everyone In Da Kitchen**

All of the other crew members stormed into the kitchen when they heard Cait Sith cry for help. The ghost of the 'King' turns around and looks at the heroes after cutting off all of Red XIII's fur, and knocking out Yuffie

"**There you are! Now die!!!"** Barret yelled as he pointed his laser-gun, ready to fire.

"**Well, technically, you can't kill him again since he's already dead..."** Vincent corrected Barret.

"**Shut up!"** Barret barked back. He pulled the trigger and began firing at the ghost.

A direct hit. However, the 'King' was struggling to pull himself away from the beam.

"**Let us help you!"** Cloud said, firing his gun as well.

Everyone else jumped in as well. Yuffie regained consciousness and fired hers as well. Cait Sith somehow gets out of the oven and joins in on the beam struggle. Everyone's beams were dangerously starting to cross each other's as they continued probing the ghost.

"**Wait! No! Everyone turn off your beams! I've seen this before somewhere! We ain't supposed to cross our bea—"** Barret yelled out to everyone, but it was too late.

**KAAAAABLAAAAAAAM!!!!**

The sheer force from the combined beams caused a very large explosion that blew away Cloud's entire apartment. After the smoke cleared, everyone including the 'King's' ghost was lying on the floor dazed. Barret sat up and saw the perfect opportunity to bag the ghost.

"**Here! Use this!"** Yuffe said to Barret as she slid a device underneath the ghost.

Barret grabs the trigger button and presses it. A large white light enveloped the 'King', sucking him into the trapping device. It then closed up when the capture process was finished.

This was a narrow victory for the heroes.

Barret went over and grabbed the device and held I high for everyone see.

"**We got 'em!"** Barret cheered.

"**See! I told you my plan would work…sorta!"** Yuffie said with an innocent smile.

"**Bout damn time!"** Cid said as he crawled over and recovered his stolen cigarettes.

"**I thought I was a goner in that oven!"** Cait Sith said, fanning himself to cool himself down.

"**Great…it'll take months for my fur to grow back,"** said a naked Red XIII, a bit miffed.

"**Whew! Glad that's over,"** Tifa said with relief.

"**What a disaster…"** Vincent said, looking at Cloud's obliterated home.

"**Gee you think?!?! Now where am I going to live?"** said a very flabbergasted Cloud.

"**C'mon, let's go and recover what's left of your belongings and look for another apartment for you"** Tifa offered.

Everyone agreed as they took off their Ghostbuster uniforms and equipment before leaving the kitchen.

**Epilogue**

After everyone had left the house, a man with long silver hair dressed in all black, and carried a very long sword entered the kitchen. He stopped in front of the ghost containment device and pressed the release button with his foot. The metal box opened, and the Burger King Guy's ghost was freed.

"**You are quite the mischievous one. What do you say we team up and take down Cloud and his pals together,"** the man offered.

The 'King' rubbed his hands menacingly as he accepted the man's offer.

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**The End?**

**Hope ya liked it! Please gimmie reviews, or the Burger King Guy will haunt you too!**

And read the next installment to this series: **The FF7 Crew vs The Burger King Guy 2: Duo Bout**, already up!


End file.
